I love to read

Finishing up a school reading by playing "When you Look at Me" (Shane's Song)

Last week I made a return trip to Manitoba for ‘I love to read Month’.  It wasn’t a particularly long planned for trip.  I’d been intent on staying out of the cold Manitoba winter weather.  That was, after all, a great part of the reason we chose to move to the West Coast two years ago!  But I’d been enticed by a friend, who’d written to remind me that as it was ‘I love to Read Month’ and as I was an author, I should be there.  After being steadfast on my decision not to go back in February, I went back to Manitoba in February.  ‘I Love to read’ felt too important to miss.
 
I decided that this time I would focus on my “Shane’s Big Adventure” Books, because I had done ‘Tyson’s Orange Shirt’ last September and have hopes of doing it again this fall if the Universe permits.  I know that Shane’s story has become old to some, and others may feel I should let it go and move on, but that’s not what my heart says.  My heart says that I learned way too many important things during that journey through this world with that young man not to share it.  As the anniversary of the 9th year since his passing approaches, I feel just as committed to sharing those lessons now as I did when he was with me.  If one child who experiences life similarly is seen in a new light, or if one child who sees a child with a similar life path becomes a bit more compassionate towards that child, or a parent with a special needs child feels a little more empowered, then it is all worth it. ​

​Over the course of the week that I was back in Manitoba, I read to 8 different schools.  I can’t estimate how many children, because some schools had me read to each class separately, while others congregated the kids together.  Each session started with sharing a little bit about Cerebral Palsy, and bit about Shane’s life, the reading of his first adventure, then his second, followed up with my singing his “When you Look at Me” song.  There was always lots of time left for questions.  The age groups ranged from kindergarten through to Grade 8.  The questions varied just as much, with many veering off in unexpected directions discussing and sharing grief and loss.  And that was okay, because I believe that conversations unfolded as they needed to for the children that were there with me in the room at that moment. 
 
I know Cecil and I will question ourselves about the cost of some of my choices to return for things like ‘I love to Read’, presenting ‘Just my Friend’ or talking to kids about Orange Shirt Day.  It is certainly making good use of our kid’s potential inheritance!  But beyond that, doing these things always feeds my soul in totally unexpected ways, and I know in my heart of hearts that I’m doing the right thing.
 
One of the most cherished comments I received was that ‘Your Mom and Dad would be so proud of the work you continue to do.’ I walked away believing that they would be, were they still here.  On that weekend, we had to go out to our house at the farm to do some work on our old home, now being used as a rental property until we make final decisions over the directions our lives are taking.  We’d cleaned everything out of the house when we moved two years ago, but on a shelf in the very back of the basement I found a card that had been left behind.  It was from Mom and Dad for a birthday sometime in the past.  Now I’m a bit of a hoarder when it comes to cards and keepsakes, and I know I have no shortage of cards tucked away, but I don’t often pull them out.  As well, they were on the far side of the country, but here was this single card, addressed to me and the verse inside was all I needed to be reminded my angels are always with me:

You’re a thoughtful daughter, who’s busy every day,
With people who depend on you and many roles to play,
But even so you find the time for friends and family
Giving them the best you can with warmth and honesty.
That’s why it brings more loving pride, than these few words can tell
To see you do so much in life, and do it all so well.
Lots of Love, Dad and Mom

---

​It was a reminder that all is well.  For whatever I give to keep living the roles I have, there is always more received in return. So here were a few of my biggest takeaways:
 

• Reading my stories to kids who realized in our discussion that they were born the year Shane died.  His story now lives in the memories of those who came after.
• A little girls excitement when she saw the symbols I’d used in Shane’s first book were the same ones she was learning with.  She couldn’t verbalize her excitement, but she was certainly able to share.
• Seeing how the things Shane taught me and those he affected in Pine Creek twenty years ago are benefiting a child who is learning there now.  The knowledge that inclusion is possible paving the way to ensure it’s happening in other places.
• Reconnecting with educators in so many different schools.  Folks who had crossed paths with him and carried a piece of him with them.
• Reading to my grandson’s school, seeing the pride in their eyes, noticing that their fingers were drumming time to my song even though they likely would preferred they didn’t. 
• Having one Grade 5 student hear Shane’s song and say, “He must be so proud of you every time he hears you sing that for him.”
• Meeting a Mom whose son’s journey has been so impacted by Shane’s groundwork, knowing that because ‘we made it work with Shane’, having that repeated to her over time has led to it also working for her child.

 
 
At the end I was full and depleted at the same time.  Exhausted and exhilarated simultaneously.  So glad I’d made the decision to go and do this, for whatever reasons I give myself to justify my choices.
 
And when one person commented that they were so happy that I continued to talk and share about that journey, I heard my self say…”It’s part of my life’s mission.” And it is.  I wasn’t gifted with all this learning and wisdom not to pass it on in ways that work.  I’m grateful I was encouraged to do so.  I’m grateful I am physically and financially able to.  I’m grateful to all that allowed me to share over those days.  When it comes down to it, I’m just grateful.
 
Life is a beautiful circle of having the heartbreak turn into such incredible blessings.  To live through the dark and to be able to see the brilliance of the light that is today.
 
Until next time,